Close your eyes and dream...

so much shit happen in between every time i write lol...
-i got rid of my piece of shit tracer and bought back my saturn from the rents for 3500...so yeah!! no more car problems!!!! :)
-i got the apprenticship and i start at The Shop in dirt jervis on saturday!!!! (so come visit me! ill be there tues-sat from 4-9)
-i met teddie....strange. very awkward and strange, its a story for when i actually hang out with u(diana) lol...its done and over with, ill never talk to her agaion-i dont need to i have a mom-and its not her. so yeah...ummm....thats a bout it-but ill try and keep u posted more often.
<3

ok so lets talk about the most up and down past two weeks ever...
last tuesday-I got kicked in the head at work-knocked out and got a mild conussion...cool.

wednesday-my grandma had a stroke-shes alot better now-almost fully recovered already

this tuesday-got the tattoo aprenticeshiP!!!!!! yeah!! I start May 2nd.

wednesday-i went to get my car inspected-they told me my car is super dangerous and i really need a new one or i need to put like another grand into my car. (the fucking 1900 i already put into it i should have just bought a fucking new car) but yeah...i found a reasonable car that i could afford to finacne that will last me a long time but have no co-signer...and my parents wont co-sign b/c they think ill just get bored with it and wanna get rid of it in like a week...im not 17 anymore-i wish theyd realize that...

thursday(yesterday) i find out that teddy is in town for the next week and wants to see me and stef...i guess she came up b/c of my grandma even tho everyone tole her not too. so yeah i dunno what im gunna do about that-its kind of sudden-i didnt have any time to like prepare what to say-i know that sounds wierd but this will be the only time i see her ever so i wanna make sure i ask every question and say everything i want to. but on the other hand i dont wanna see her at all...so i need to make a choice. it sucks. so yeah thats my up and down week...cool shit!!

"And she said,
'I think we're running out of alcohol
Tonight I HATE this fucking town
and all my best friends will be the death of me...
but they won't ever remember.
So please take me far away
before I melt into the ground
and all my words get used against me'...

You sad and lonely girl"

So i kinda threw a fit and broke my computer...so itll be awhile before i write again! oops!

I haven't written in SO long I really dont know where to start...My life has been so up and down for the past couple weeks.
I've been sick for the past two weeks-my kid at work has pneumonia and I'm pretty sure I've got it being that I've been in bed every night by like 9 from exhaustion. umm..lets see...I'm still living with tommy. last time I wrote i dont think we were doing so good. I really fucking love this kid for all he puts up with. I mean I've been an ass and made mistakes, but he's still here supporting me in anyway possible. thats love. I gotta give him that. he does WAY more for me than I give him credit for.
I gave my Kia back in September and have been driving around my POS that cost me over $400 to fix...but the insurance is $120 a month...not $400. so I cant complain too much. It rattles and sucks but ill buy a bike to drive around in the summer on nice days so if it makes it thru the winter ill be happy. Oh yeah I got my motorcycle licence!! Yeah!! Passed everything with no problems. Woo me!! Lol
I applied for the nursing departments secretary today and hopefully I get it. Im praying I do-its still 8-4 Monday thru Friday but id only have to drive to Sparta and it’s a “hands off” job so I don’t have to work with the kids. I still get to see them, I just don’t have to work with them….which is ideal.
I’m gunna start writing a lot more cuz so much has been on my mind its just I have no time or effort to write. So for now im gunna go…there is a brief update. Ill try and write tommarow to finish catching up.
<3

i havnt written or even been on here in soo long...ive been so busy with work, fixing my new car, and being fucking sick. so sorry!!! im alive...i dont have time to write now but i will soon..im alive and everythings ok for the time being...

I got 100% on my motorcycle licence test!! HELL YEAH BITCHES!!! now all i gotta do is pass the practical(but thats cake) and i get my licence!! woo hoo!!

ever have one of those days where everything that can go wrong-does?
every have one of those days where you feel completely useless?
ever have one of those days where you sit back and think "where the fuck am i going in life?"
ever have one of those days where you wish SO hard that you could go back in time and start life all over again knowing what you know now?
ever have one of those days where you feel so fucking alone that you feel about the size of a flea and the world is bigger than the entire universe?

...i am.

i got to actually ride a bike!!! and i didnt even put it down! im so proud of myself...i got up to 37mph! i know that doesnt sound too fast but for the first time on a bike to go over 10 is good and i was crusing down the street! lol its the most amazing feeling ive ever ever felt to be riding...im in love <3

i got another car (mercury tracer=POS) but it costs me LESS than $100 a month. MUCH better than the $700 i was paying for the Kia...i mean i am sad to see it go, but i need this so bad. i need the money. well see what happens when my grandparents get home from vacation and see the kia in theri drive unregistered and uninsured...im gunna hear SO much shit. but i tried. i tried to have them sell it and i would pay them the makeup money...but NOOO they wouldnt "let" me..so fuck em.





p.s. I FUCKING LOVE TO RIDE!!!! <333333

I GOT MY PERMIT!!!!! I passed the test and can now legally drive a motorcyle!! (from dawn to dusk and with another rider following me anyway) YEAH!! I'm so proud of myself!

i got my phone back!!!! same number
973-459-0341
yeah!!! so umm CALL ME!

it was love at first sight...this picture does the blue no justice-its a fucking AMAZING color in person...oh man i cant wait till i get it...thats right-im gunna get it. im learning how to ride next weekend and depending on how that goes im gunna get my motorcycle licence. then when i get rid of my kia and buy my friends car i can afford this bike and the insurance for both the car and the bike...and itll be LESS than im paying right now for my kia alone. yeah im a bad ass. lol
i spent all weekend riding and just fell in love!!! i went to go look at bike and as soon as i walked in i knew this one would be mine...$100 a month...thats it. yeah sussex motors! oh my god im so excited!

Today's front page story in the herald:
"A former Newton High School student, Zarife Boussaid died after getting pulled under by the current on Thursday. His body was found in the river about 3:30 p.m. Friday."
...i knew him. jenn and i used to hang out at this kids house ALL the time when we were in 10th grade. he's jenns ex-boyfriend. its so fucking crazy. i mean its not like we hang out anymore-but its the fact that i know him and used to chill with him alot, and hes dead now...its so sad. 19. thats WAY too fucking young to die.

I spent last night looking through my old LJ...it was really crazy how different I am now. How like my whole world seemed to revolve around relationships back then...i mean yeah there important still, but DAMN every entry was about who i was with...EVERY one! But its strange to go back and read about how life used to be two years ago. its amazing how much i've changed in the past two years.
This heat is unbelieveable! I couldn't even go outside on break to smoke it was too hot to say out!
It s tommy and mine one year on the 8th! its so strange. i really did not think he'd put up with me this long lol. Time goes so fucking fast, it feels like yesterday that we just met. we're looking for apartments, and hopefully this one he called yeseteday called him back so we can go look at it. i really really really hope we get an apartment soon-it would deff make everything a little bit easier if we had our own place. we wouldnt be so fucking bored all the time. its not like were not allowed to do anything, we can go out whenever we want so we dont have to be out every night...but we just dont want to be home. if we had our own place i(i dunno bout tommy) but i would have NO problem sitting at home and watching movies or just chillin all night. i dunno why its diff-it just is.

tommarrow is august...where the hell did summer go?

so i got interviewed at work and everything turned out ok...im not in trouble and neither is katie. i think the chick who let the client run away did tho...shes off transport for that house and if she continues to be an idot shell be fired...so basically shell get fired soon...
ok so on to important things...i went to a party in manhatten the other night-and i fell in love. her name is Dana...shes FUCKING BEAUTIFUL! I was sitting watching joel's set when she walked up to me and took my picture...thats where it started. we ending up spending like every minute together after that. she took me by the hand and let me to the bathroom ;) i had the BEST time with her...i cant stop thinking about her!! shes too pretty. oh yeah...tommys a lil mad about us making out...he never mentioned that he didnt like it.
man i cant stop thinking about her...if you saw her you would know why...beautiful.

so to make a long Long LONG story short...at work katie and i asked this ass-wad of uselessness girl to watch one of the clients. ONE. we had the other 4 downstairs with us while we were writing up incident reports. not more than three minutes later katie went upstairs and came back down and asked me if i knew where the client was. we ran around the house and found in the ROAD where road CONSTRUCTION was going on hanging out with the roadworkers until we got him. She was asked to watch ONE kid and in THREE minutes he managed to get past her, run a flight of stairs, out the front door, unhinge the fence and make it up the road about 300 yards. I watched him for six months and NEVER had him even make it out of the house alone. HOW DO YOU FUCK UP WATCHING ONE PERSON!!!!! (sry...it pisses me off how dumb this girl is) Shes HORRIBOLE at her job. she sits around watching other ppl do shit and askin questions(dumb ones too) and only ever resonding with an "ooooh, oooookkkk" ill be gettin the kids snack "oh she likes pretzals?" "um yeah...shes eating them isnt she?" "oooooh, oooookkkk..." GOD! im sorry i can NOT stand complete stupidity.
so anyway(yeah this is actually the short version lol) after i called about 1000 people to report and AWOL case my boss calls me and tells me to call DDD(division for developmently disabled) and report that we need a case worker for a NEGLECT case. YEAH! So Katie, me and the fat useless dumb-ass are all being investigated to see whos going to be charged with neglect.
(just a reminder:being charged with neglect is just as bad as being charged as abuse. being charged gets you FIRED and banned from ANY job with kids, such as teaching or being a docotr, daycares, ANYTHING where you would come in contact with kids you will NEVER again work at...welcome to a life of the shittiest jobs ever)
so katie and i both swear if they try and blame it on EITHER of us...well fucking both sue-there is NO way im taking that bullshit. i am better with the fucking kids than half the people at my job and everyone damn well knows it.
so tommarow will be fun! investigationstion time begins...

i totally forgot I wrote that last entry until i signed in today...i was just pissed b/c tommy and i had a fight. hell i can even remember what it was about, but it pissed me off that when we fight, i have nowhere to go b/c were both already home, ya know?
so anyways...I woke up this morning with the WORST head cold EVER and still feel like my head is the size of a hot air balloon.
on top of that all my grandma called me to tell me that progressive sent her a notice saying that i changed my policy..shitheads. I cant afford the car insurance so i took comp off my policy and my grandparents are the lienholders therefore I guess they notified them of the change. my grandma obviously wants it back on, but i can NOT afford it. so its right back to selling the car. a friend of mine has a car(mercury tracer-same thing as my one i totaled on the deer) that hed sell me for a grand. its got a lil over 100,000miles on it and needs new brakes and a spring but the repairs will cost me all of $200. that car will last as long as i take care of it.
i need to open a savings account and start putting something, even like $50 a month away in it so i can start saving up for shit like appartments and new cars.
so i have a fun little meeting with my grandparents on monday to discuss whats going on with my car...that will be SO much fun! fucking car...i feel like leaving it in port, unlocked, keys on front seat with a big "TAKE ME" sign.

I FUCKING HATE LIVING HERE...i really wish that my parents didnt have there stupid fucking restrictions on me so that i could just go the fuck home

here are a couple pictures that give u an idea of the amount of water that was here...by the time we were allowed back home, there was no water left, just a bunch of dirt. the only place that really had any water left was by the K-Mart..so that picture is in there. (tell me if you can see these...im never good with pictures)









(yes, that is an ice machine in the middle of the road)